My head is completely in bits at the minute,it feels like it is about to explode any second.The last few weeks have been a living hell,constant harassment and threats from Uncle Jerry leave me struggling to eat and sleep or just to function like a normal person.I am all too aware of the lengths Jerry will go to,to get what he wants,and when he doesn't get his own way he thinks nothing of turning up with one of his cronies and forcing his way into my home.This is what happend a couple of weeks back.I opened the back door to let the cat in,only to find Jerry and one of his pals pushing their way in.Panicking i tried to push the door closed before they got into the house,but i wasn't quick enough mainly due to the disability my operation has left me with;which was originally caused by Mother and Jerry over the years.Jerry shoved me,while his side kick punched me in the face.I fell backwards trying to grab the unit for support,i wasn't quick enough and my head bounced off the corner of the cupboard knocking me to the ground.Jerry struck me with his walking stick,telling me to stay down,i saw an opportunity and took it.Kicking out i knocked the stick from his hand,he stumbled but his pal saved him from falling,the look in his eyes told me i had just made a big mistake.
The stick struck me on the side of the head,while his pal kicked me in the ribs.Winded i struggled to get to my feet,the pal told me i could make this easy on myself or hard,it was my choice.No way was i going to make it easy for them,"go screw yourself"was my response.Needless to say this infuriated them both,"you have to push it don't you"Jerry sneared nodding at the other bloke who grabbed me by the hair and pulled me up.As he did so Jerry jabbed me hard between the legs with his walking stick,foolishly i yelped out in pain much to the amusement of my tormentors.The other bloke pushed me back against the sink,and pressed himself against me trying to get hold of the top of my trousers.Like lightening i brought my knee up into his groin as hard as i could,"You fucking slut"he spat.Jerry grabbed my operation site,the pain took my breath away and before i knew it i was slammed down onto the floor once more.Jerry placed his stick on my wound saying"don't try owt n i won't have to hurt you".
The pal pulled at my trousers,as i tried to stop him Jerry pressed a little harder on my wound.I stopped struggling and it was over in minutes,as his pal was pulling his pants up my darling Uncle urinated over me.I couldn't help it i vomitted splashing them both.Jerry was furious,yelling at me what a dirty fucking slag i was,nothing but a mucky whore,no wonder i can't keep a man or friends for that matter.I told him this was nothing new what he was saying,and to be honest it has got really boring.Knowing it didn't matter what they did to me now,i began to mock them.One of Jerry's most hated things is been called pet,so i kept saying things like whats matter pet,what you so angry for,is it cos you can't manage it now what with you been nearly dead.You daren't even come on your own anymore eh pet,because you know i will win you on a one to one.
Pretty stupid antagonising him really,but it was my only way of defence,and while i am concentrating on what to say to piss him off,i don't feel the pain,and the tears won't come.Once they had left,i ran myself a hot bath with lots of bleach in.I scrubbed myself raw,desperate to get rid of any trace of what had just happened.My eye and cheek were swollen,and my lip was grazed.My head had been bleeding but it wasn't really that sore.Jerry rang me later,telling me it wasn't meant to turn violent.It was my fault,i made them do it.If i hadn't tried to stop them coming in,or having their bit of fun it would have been fine.So yet again no matter what happened to me,i asked for it,it was my fault.Those words are the story of my life.