Christmas eve arrived,i was told to get myself ready as we were going christmas shopping.They told my dad it was a special treat,because i had been having such a hard time lately,what with my periods and now this sickness due to puberty.Bless him,my dad thought it was a great idea.Jerry drove us into the next town,which was about an hours drive,we drove through some pretty rough looking places,and run down estates.Finally we pulled up outside some disused shops,with a couple of shabby looking house either side.We parked up,went down an alley and through a gate at the back of one of the houses.A middle aged woman opened the door,and showed us into a grubby looking hall way,before asking what had happened,why were we late.Uncle jerry and the woman chatted for a while,then she aked me how far gone i was?About four months,which is why we came to you ,uncle jerry replied.He handed her an envelope,and she dissapeared into one of the rooms off the hallway,she was back in minutes,saying come on then everything is ready.The woman turned to me and said:come on then,lets put an end to this then you can get back to been a little girl.
The room was dirty looking and glum,with bare walls and floor.A big metal table stood in the middle,and some towels were folded neatly on a stool.There was a little stove in the corner with a pot of coffee on it,and a hoover like contraption at the end of the table.An oldish man in a blue pinny was standing at the other end,i was terrified.I was told to remove my clothes from the waist down,and lay on the table,Refusing i turned to run,i could feel the tears trying to escape,i bit my lip and swallowed hard.I couldn't wouldn't let them see me cry.The man was telling me i was a stupid little girl,who didn't know what was good for her.Mother slapped me hard across the face,and jerry lifted me up onto the table.Lashing out with my arms,and kicking as hard as i could i screamed get your fucking hands off me you bastards.They were too strong for me,my arms were strapped either side of the table,the dragon slapped me again for been disrespectful.My lower clothes were removed and the old guy was trying to put my feet in to some hanging stirrups,all the while telling me what a stupid girl i was getting myself pregnant at only 13. The penny finally dropped,i was having a baby,uncle jerry's baby.The man was muttering at me,saying how i should have come earlier,or not got my self into this predicament in the first place.I was screaming in my head,i didn't do this to myself you know,he did it - - he did this to me !!!
He ran some water over a thin metal rod before pushing it right up inside me,while pressing and kneading on my stomach.I cried out,the pain was awful,the woman just turned a radio on,and the man lit a cigarrette.The rod was used a few more times,shame engulfed me as i wet myself,then the bloody rod was placed on a stool.He got the hoover like thing and placed the clear plastic tube inside me,and turned it on.It felt like my entire insides were been sucked away.The pain was horrendous,and though i tried hard not to,i found myself screaming with pain.Vice like pains gripped my lower abdomen as he turned the contraption off.He was using his hands again his cig hanging from the corner of his mouth,i stopped screaming and sobbed quietly to myself.I could do nothing except lay there and wait for it to be over or death to come,and to be honest i was hoping for the latter.After a hell of a lot of pain,and what felt like a lifetime,my legs were released followed by my arms.I tried to jump down,but fell straight to the floor.The woman helped me up,gave me a large sanitary towel,and told me it was over now so i could get dressed.I saw the man wrapping something in a paper towel,then it was put in a bag and into a bin.It didn't look like a baby,well none i had ever seen.It was so small.I decided it was a monster,and thats why it hurt so much,and why it had to go.Mother and jerry were waiting outside,and the man told them it had gone ok,to expect some bleeding and pain,but it would ease after a few days.Uncle jerry shook his hand and said thats a good job over with,mother said i didn't need to have made such a fuss,it wasn't that bad.No not for you sat smoking and drinking coffee i thought,yet out loud i said sorry.As we left him and the dragon told me it would never be mentioned again,and if i ever told anyone i would go to prison for a very long time,and people there wouldn't be as nice to me as they were.
They dragged me round the local market,saying we had to buy something or dad would know,and he would have me locked up straight away and never again see or talk to me.Mother bought me a pair of jeans,and jerry bought me a skimpy little outfit saying he couldn't wait to see me in it,then he and mother laughed.By the time we got home,i could hardly stand.I was in agony and bleeding heavily,my dad was concerned as he helped me upstairs to bed.The next few days were spent in bed with mother bringing me tablets,pain killers,one on a morning and one on a night,and an orange one to make me sleep.
A couple of nights after the terrible ordeal i woke to find my uncle sat on the bed.He smiled at me and said,sorry you missed christmas,you didn't get anything anyway,except the clothes we bought - - oh yes and me of course.Groping my breasts he laughed,i told him it still hurt,i was still bleeding,but he just ordered me onto my knees.Thinking he was going to make me give him oral sex,all i could think was oh i hope he has washed it.Grabbing me by the hair he pushed me face down on the bed.Pain shot through me as he forced his penis up my bum,i could feel the skin tearing,i begged him to stop,i tried to get away,but he was just too strong.He had his fingers wrapped in my hair,he pulled and pulled,harder and harder with every sickening thrust.My face was pushed right down into the bed,and i had to bite down as hard as i could to stop the screams escaping.I couldn't breath,he carried on raping me from behind until i eventually passed out.When i came to,i was still face down on the bed,the pain was still there but he was gone.I tried to sit up,but it felt like my back passage had been ripped out,and now i was bleeding from there aswell.i lay there on my side,crying quietly and rocking myself back and forth,praying for the pain to stop.
Missing christmas was no big deal,it was nothing special to me,just an excuse for everyone to get drunk and me to watch all the other kids opening their presents making me feel totally worthless.Life soon returned to normal,once i was up and about i had all the ironing to catch up on,the housework,and of course back to been chief cook.Mother still hit me at every opportunity,and uncle jerry got back to having sex with me as soon as i had stopped bleeding.