New year - -New me

The last time i posted here i had just left hospital,after having surgery due to damage received from my abusers over the years.Unfortunately the operation wasn't succesful and the injuries almost cost me my life at the begining of this year,but with major surgery and a determination not to let them win i have survived their latest attacks,and i believe i am stronger than before(most of the time).
Unle Jerry has taken great pleasure in trying to knock me back down,trying to make me relive some of the most harrowing,degrading,sickening torture that he and his fellow abusers put me through.He has almost succeeded at times,yet somehow i managed to spill the beans to the J's and no matter how bad or sick or dirty i was feeling,they never once didn't want to listen.I could hear the anger in their voices,see the disgust in their eyes,yet they still made me feel loved and wanted and thats what has given me the courage to return to blogging.The events that happend still torture me mentally,and may be rather difficult for me to write,and also you to read,but please don't judge me i was just a child !!! Six years old and already feeling desperately lonely and unloved,the lady a few doors down had a litter of kittens i often heard crying.One day the pull of the tiny kittens cries were too much for me to ignore,so i snook in and stole the noisiest one there.I hid the wriggling little bundle in the airing cupboard where it was nice and warm,i fed it on warm milk and dog food,sneaking it back and forth from the cupboard to my bedroom at every opportunity.Jerry found the kitten and said he was taking it back,and the police were going to come and take me away,i begged him not to telling him how much the kitten and i were alike and needed each other.Uncle Jerry thought for a while then said if i did something special,something secret,he would pretend he didn't know about the kitten.He told me what i had to do,and i said i didn't want to! My choice he said,do it or the police take you and i take the kitten.It didn't really feel like a choice at all,but i longed for the closeness and warmth i had with the kitten,so i did what he wanted.He pulled his trousers down,stood with his legs apart and told me to get to work.I started to feel sick almost at once,trying to barely touch his skin with my tongue.Do it properly he barked hitting me in the side of the head,silent tears ran down my face as i licked first the front then round the back,all the time thinking i am doing this for my kitten!Uncle Jerry made me do it over and over,making sure i got my tongue inbetween his cheeks,vomit rising with the smell and the taste of faeces.Once he had finished masturbating i could stop,while i was been sick,he returned my kitten to the breeder and laughed and laughed as he told me he had done so.I couldn't tell anyone,because as he said I was the Thief not him.