The nightmares and flashbacks are driving me insane,every time i close my eyes they are there.Uncle Jerry laughing as he rapes me over and over,his pals arguing over who's turn it is next.Fighting the fear and the panic is totally exhausting,both mentally and physically.Even doing the normal day to day things can be extremely traumatic when things are like this.So many every day implements have been used on me by Jerry and his gang to get their sexual kicks,that mashing potatoes,rolling pastry or using a bread knife for instance can bring terrible flashbacks.
As an adult feeling the pain from such extreme cruelty,is both sickening and harrowing,yet to feel such immense pain as a child is far beyond words.The normal pain of childhood like falling over,breaking an arm,falling out with your best friend,are all very hard on a child,yet i would have given anything for these to be the worst suffering i had to endure.I was once beaten up pretty badly by a group of girls in secondary school,but i didn't cry,nor could i say this pain was anywhere near as bad as what i put up with nearly every day.
One time Jerry and one of his pals had taken it in turns to have sex with me,and while his friend was still at it Jerry went downstairs and returned with a walking pole.I had no idea what it was at the time,or what it was used for but i knew it was a pretty scary looking thing.Whilst the two of them were stood whispering i went to get up.Jerry jabbed me in the back with the pointed end of the pole,telling me to stay where i was.Stupidly i said it was sharp,to which Uncle Jerry told me it was sharp enough to go right through someones skull,so i better not think about been awkward today.By been awkward he meant trying to get away from them,or fighting back in any way.I was absolutely terrified;i knew how sick and twisted this pair were,and i wouldn't put anything past them.The pain was awful as they pushed the pole inside my back passage as far as they could,then forced it just that little bit further.A scream escaped me as i felt the flesh inside and out rip,blood spurted at such an alarming rate that the friend began to panic.Jerry told him to calm down he could sort it out,his Doctor friend had shown him what to do in cases like this.Jerry pulled the box from the cupboard,and removed one of the needle and threads that the wonderful Doctor had left him.Telling the pal to keep me quiet he got the gauze and folded it as many times as he could,before soaking it in witch hazel.The pal held the point of the pole against my throat and said"so long as you don't move or make a sound you will be just fine".I don't know which was the most frightening,the pole on my throat,or knowing what Jerry was about to do.Taking a deep breath i bit down as hard as i could on the pillow as Uncle Jerry pushed the gauze inside me,the witch hazel stinging like hell,but the pain of him stitching my torn bottom soon out shone that by far.Tears ran silently down my face,as i prayed to god to let me die.