I didn't understand what i had done wrong,i just knew i had been really bad,and i was so sorry!I would do everything i was told,when i was told;i would never answer back,or question why i wasn't allowed the things my sister was,but mother always found a reason to punish me.If something got broke it was always my fault,my sister would watch as mothers punches reigned down on me,yet she never admitted any of it was down to her.Maybe she was afraid ,if she spoke up,maybe the punishment would turn to her.I don't really know,and she has never said.I don't remember having toy's to play with,except for a ball and a little car;which were kept in the cupboard and only came out when we had visitors.I was always getting shouted at ;and slapped,because i didn't want to let go of them,and i certainly didn't want anyone else to play with them.My aunt maud was always saying what a spoilt child i was,and how it was about time i learnt to share.Aunt maud would always slap my legs,before taking my ball and car,and giving them to her children to play with.Mother would agree with aunt maud,saying thats why i always had to be punished.Needles to say;i grew up resenting my cousins,they always had the newest toys,yet still had to play with mine.Once the visitors had gone,the ball and the car would be put back into the cupboard,and i knew better than to ask for them.As i say,i knew better than to ask for things,so intead i would wish really hard,or just pretend.I used to pretend i had a dolly-it was one of my dads old slippers that the dog had chewed.The toe was all frayed,so it looked like it had hair,i would hide it under my bed and play with it at night,then i would carefully put it back so they wouldn't see it and throw it away.On christmas day;the lady next door bought me the most amazing thing i had ever seen.She was the most beautiful doll ever,she was dressed as a bride;she had a veil and a small basket of material flowers.God i was so excited,i ran straight upstairs and brought the slipper down for the dog.I'm sure sasha was almost as excited as me,at getting a present.
My happines was to be short lived.On boxing day;my sister Debbie(who was three years older than me)started shouting and carrying on,because i wouldn't give her my doll.She thumped me,we were rolling round the floor,arms and legs flying everywhere,but there was no way i was giving her the best thing that had ever happend to me.Mother was furious;and said i had to give her the doll,i don't know where my courage came from,but i refused point blank.You see Debbie wanted to paint my dolls dress red(her favourite colour)but i loved it just the way it was.Mother slapped me across the face,but there was no way in this world,i was giving that spoilt little cow my doll to ruin.Mothers fist smashed into my face and my doll flew from my arms,mother grabbed her,and threw her into the fire.I lay there sobbing,as the tears mingled with the blood.All i could do was watch,as my beautiful bride doll burned before my eyes.I was ordered to stop crying, as i wasn't a baby,but i couldn't i was just so distraught.Yet again i was locked in the punishment cupboard;and there i spent the rest of the day,cold lonely and very miserable.Pretty much like my life really,i was so upset i cried myself to sleep.The next day,i had to go tell the lady next door,i had accidently thrown my doll in the fire.The dissapointment on her face nearly killed me,as she said accidents happen,and she closed the door on me.