By the time easter arrived,the pressure was even greater,debbie was due to take her final exams at school,and wasn't coping well the stress of it,she was struggling to remember even the basic things.Mother had me waiting on my sister hand and foot,what ever debbie required i had to get,and if this meant getting behind with the chores or the evening meal,then i just had to take what ever punishment was dealt.Debbie and i were in a strange place in our relationship,we barely spoke to each other,yet i would often catch her giving me sympathetic looks when i was been beaten,or she would shout of me if she noticed mother going into a rage.I was the one who would sort out any trouble debbie got into,if some one had hit her at school or at some disco,i would go find them and tell them to leave her alone.Sometimes words weren't enough and i would get physical in order to protect my sister,yet i didn't really know why,after all she never protected me.I also helped debbie with her revision,making up little rhymes or stories that she could memorise for most of the subjects she was taking.Returning to school after the easter break,i realised how tired i had become,a game of netball left me totally worn out,and i could no longer make it round the running track.I recognised the signs,tiredness,vomitting nearly every day,and i had missed a period.Oh dear lord i can't go through that again,what am i to do?Then it hit me,i won't let them find out - - if i sleep while they are at work,i wont be tired infront of them,if im sick into a bag in my room,then they wont hear me - perfect.So it began,i would go into school for registration then instead of going to lessons i would sneak back home and sleep.This worked well for me until the day mother came home sick from work,she laid straight into me,who did i think i was taking time off whenever i felt like it,what were school going to think?? On and on it went until eventually she had to stop for breath.I siezed the opportunity,admitting to skiving school,but then i went on to say it p.e.and i didn't want them to see the bite marks uncle jerry had given me,the p.e teacher was a right nosey bitch.I was kept busy all afternoon,sorting cupboards,clearing drawers.When jerry arrived the dragon told him i had been blabbing my mouth off again,he gave me such a beating.He kept on kicking me in the stomach back and head,while i curled up on the floor begging him to leave me alone.I woke during the night with the most severe stomach cramps i had ever had,i stumbled to the bathroom and blood gushed everywhere.Mother came in,saw all the blood and asked what i was doing,adding if i thought you were pregnant and i cared,i would phone for an ambulance,but i dont care so get back to bed and make sure you stay there tomorrow.I returned to my room and after cleaning myself up and getting changed,i suddenly became very calm i realised what it meant,i would no longer be carrying his monster inside me.Staying in bed for the next two days,i wasn't sure how i felt.I was glad it was over,glad i wasnt having his child,yet i felt a strange sort of sadness,like a part of me had been taken.I became more and more depressed,and i had only two hopes for the future.That they would realise niether my body or mind could take no more,two pregnancies in one year was a lot for any woman to cope with,never mind a thirteen year old child.The second hope was that they would finally kill me.It is so sad when any one feels there is no hope for the future,but it has a devastating effect on the life of a child.