enter the dragon

The next morning i could barely walk,i was still in dreadful pain and the blood was still there.Inbetween and the tops of my legs were so swollen and bruised,it felt like my insides were hanging out.I had a black eye,a swollen cheek,and a split lip,i froze with fear as i waited for mothers reaction.She looked me up and down,before telling me my sister had all ready left for school,and she was to tell the teacher i had fallen from my bike,so wouldn't be at school."I don't have a bike" i replied,she slapped me across the face,saying you only get what you deserve and if you don't want everyone to know how dirty and evil you are,you will say the same.God doesn't have the time to rid all evil from everyone,so sometimes people like uncle jerry and myself have to do it for him.I was only four and a half years old,far to young to understand what had happened.All i knew was he had hurt me real bad this time,and i just didn't know why ??As mother continued to tell me it was for my own good,they were getting the devil out of me,i accepted this as the truth,i was too young to realise i had just been raped for the first time.Mother told me i must scrub the kitchen floor as pennance for my sins.I started to cry,told her it hurt so much,she nodded and said i was a big girl now so i should make a choice.Either scrub the floor or face the cupboard,it was my choice.I must admit i did think about which would be less painful but for some reason i knew it wasn't really a choice.She went off to the shop for her cigarrettes,and i curled up on the kitchen floor with sasha,and let my tears fall into her soft white fur.Sleep must have taken over,Because mother was shouting at me,kicking me as i lay on the floor.Sasha growled at her and she kicked her too,poor sasha let out a yelp as she ran into the garden.Don't hurt my dog i yelled at her,as her fist smashed into my already swollen face huge sobs escaped me.She grabbed my hair and saying she would show me what happens to cry babies,dragged me sobbing to the dreaded cupboard.I was four and half years old and been punished for crying,something else i must remember to try not to do.
The abuse continued,the physical and mental on a daily basis,and the sexual at least once a week,depending how often we were left alone with uncle jerry.I became nervous and withdrawn but no one noticed,or no one cared.I was desperate for someone to come along and love me,someone to make the hurt and the pain go away,but no one came.Whenever i saw other kids upset,or heard them crying-i thought they too must be treated the same way,so there for it must be what all uncles do to bad little girls.Deep down i think i always knew it wasn't right,it wasn't normal,but i never spoke about what was happening at home,i already knew what would happen if i did.Cuts bruises broken bones,what ever i was told to say happened i would say,and i became very good at covering up for them.School became my escape,my best friend jane(who i met on my first day)and i had become almost inseperable,and we laughed and played together like we were the only people in the world.One day the teacher was reading us a story about a ferociuos dragon,the dragon was always angry and spitting fire.When she had finished Mrs G asked us what we thought of the dragon,i said it was like mummy.At play time Mrs G called me back to her,and asked if mummy got angry alot,i nodded and begged her not to say i told.When mother came to collect me,Mrs G asked to speak to her,i was so frightened i wet myself.Mrs G questioned mother about her anger and my constant supply of bruises,mother didn't even flinch.She calmly explained to the teacher that although i seemed a well behaved child at school,i was very different at home.She continued to say how i was very clingy and jealous of my sister and cousins getting any attention,and how i would pick fights with them and bang my head against the wall when i didn't get my own way.Mrs G nodded and said she hoped mother understood why she had to ask,and although hard to believe some parents have been known to hurt their children.Mother appeared shocked by this revalation and told mrs G that maybe if she wasn't such a strong person and didnt love her children with every bone in her body,my behaviour could have pushed her over the edge.Mrs G turned to me and said,you have to understand all children deserve love,and you can't expect to keep your mummy all to yourself,now try to be good for mummy and i will see you monday.Nodding i turned away,i felt let down and deflaited,now even mrs G knew what a horrible child i was.All the way home the silence cut into me like a knife,i knew once inside mothers anger would explode,and i wasn't wrong.Thud my head bounced off the door,her belt thrashing my still wet legs,stinging like a hundred wasps.Mother told me to take my wet clothes off,she then got the floor cloth and rubbed rather roughly between my legs,saying i smelled worse than a dirty animal.I went to put some clean pants on but mother said no.You want to behave like a baby you will be treated like one.I was made to walk around the house in only my vest,much to the amusement of my sister who called me pee pee pants.My sister couldn't wait to tell her friend over the road,and my cousins that i was still a little baby pee peeing my pants,they all laughed and so became my new nick name-pee pee pants.Yet mothers nick name also stuck,jane and i reffered to her as the dragon for the rest of our time together